i truly believe everyone will be a lot more happier when i’m not around. when they tell me what their life was like before they met me they seemed happier… even to be doing a lot better with life. i feel i cause nothing but a headache. i try to make life easier with my own family for example… take over their bills…. not even tell them of my own personal struggles so they don’t have to worry about me. and it’s not good enough. the fact that I would try to contact them for a simple hello is not ok. i was even there for my “friend” blake. helped him move into his apt. i went above and beyond for him helping his apt feel more like home. He sent me out to Kroger to get a carpet cleaner - I did it. Even to go to Lowes - to get stuff to clean his apt. but when i needed help just moving a bedroom suit. he was no where to be found… all i could see is him on IG getting VIP tables at the nightclub down the street from where I work. I’m not mad. I’m not disappointed. It just shows me what kind of person I am… at the end of the day it shows what his true intentions are… i always keep him in the benefit of the doubt. i’ve known him for 4 years now. so i know him truly… inside and out. but i honestly needed him. and he wasn’t there. even when he would call me a cunt tell me to get out of his apt… No matter what I’ll always be the nice helpful person. It won’t stop me from being from me. But I can’t lie. It hurts. It really hurts
I honestly just want someone to talk to. and I don’t really have that. everyone is so judgemental that it’s really really hard to open up. even when you think that person is genuinely there to listen and confide in… they’re not.
